IT'S official. Woody is the biggest numpty to work on WoS. There was never really any question about it, but the man who actually invented the word "numpty" about other people should wear the badge with pride this week.
Woody is a casual designer who spends a fair amount of time designing and sub-editing for news and sport, in between "nipping out for a sandwich" (which normally involves coming back smelling suspiciously of alcohol) and surfing the internet for anything to do with the true passion of his life... rowing.
He is press officer of Monmouth Rowing Club (official or unofficial I'm not sure) and bores us all to death with his stories. He can often be overheard having coded conversations down the phone. They go something like this: "Can you cox on Saturday? I did have you in the bow of the eight, but then John became available, so he moved up from the four and, oh yeah, can Pete pick up the rollocks on Friday and deliver them to the club on Saturday because Sandy's got to row in the pairs and can't make it."
To say he is a wee bit disorganised is akin to suggesting that Homer Simpson is partial to pork chops. Every week the call comes in: "Am I working this week? I can't remember." Followed by: "Sorry guys, I'm going to be a bit late, a flying saucer has landed on the motorway between Monmouth and Newport."
This week, though, was classic Woody. On Thursday was the "am I working?" call, followed closely by the you-couldn't-make-it-up" excuse for his late arrival.
"Bit of a problem," announced Woody. "I came out of work last night, chucked my jacket in the back of the car with my contacts book etc and then shut the door, somehow managing to lock my keys inside the car in the process. It meant I had to ring the Mrs, who had to come all the way in from the wilds of Monmouth to pick me up, and we arrived at a dinner for 10 of us about 50 minutes late. The upshot is that I am going to have to come in by bus and train and I won't be there until about noon."
Classic Woody - what a numpty.
ON Sunday I visited the Fat Kid at her palatial new three-bedroom house in Shoeburyness. All very nice. It means the two boys are sharing one room, sister Lottie (who, with her close friend Wendy, I have taken to calling the Glimmer twins) has another and Jem has a massive room for herself. There is also a nice back garden suitable for a barbecue.
It was lovely to see them all again, and I must say Big Boy has grown remarkably. Plus the fact instead of rolling around he is now crawling everywhere and anywhere. He's a real star, with a big smiley face. I sense the Vin Monster is a little bit jealous of the attention his younger brother gets and this feeling intensified when the little b***er bit me on the shoulder after I lifted him out of the bath. We were getting on fine and I wrapped him in a towel and started to carry him down the stairs. Suddenly I felt this sharp pain by my neck and when my thoughts clicked into gear I realised what had happened. He got a severe rollicking, I can tell you.
Jem thinks he is being spiteful because he has spent too long with some of the neighbours. Looks like he could be grounded for a while.
Big Boy, meanwhile, has also taken to swimming like... well... a baby to water. He splashes about in a big yellow rubber ring, big smile firmly engraved on his face. He's a real sweetie.
ROSEY took Roberts and I for a farewell meal on Tuesday. Interesting choice of venue, I thought. A little Italian called Casanovas. It could hardly be more appropriate where our former chief soccer writer is concerned.
After that met up with TV and radios Matt Withers. He wants to be called TV and radios Matt Withers on the basis he was interviewed on the BBC Wales election bus earlier in the week and also has the scintillating job of providing "expert" analysis of the Welsh Assembly elections on national TV tonight. Can't wait to see him. Wonder if he will try some stand up?
Talking of TV, Roberts is appearing on the Scrum V rugby programme on Sunday. He was press-ganged into appearing with the Daily Mail's Peter Jackson, the two of them pretending to be court barristers debating one of the big (yawn) issues in Welsh rugby. It happened in front of a schoolroom full of 14 year olds. Gosh, they must have been fascinated!
LAST night watched Manchester United bow out 3-0 to Milan in the Champions League, following on from Liverpool's victory over Chelsea on penalties the previous night. Followed that by having some sardine butter on toast. Easy to do but surprisingly filling. Just open a tin of sardines, drain and put in a bowl. Add almost an equal amount of butter and some lemon juice and pepper, mash together then spread on toast. I added some cherry tomatoes, too. Very nice.