EUREKA! I have just hit on a new idea which, patented and marketed in the right way, could become a huge hit. I call it Comic Book and it is a web-based programme for Under-10s. The format couldn't be simpler.
What you do is enter yourself on the site, either as yourself or as someone completely different, and then go around picking up "friends". To pick up said friends you have to "poke" them, a bit like when the annoying kid in class jabs the one in front with his pencil.
As the game continues you go on building up more and more friends, telling them silly jokes on line or spreading made-up stories about other "friends", rumours they are not in a position to counter or didn't want circulating in the first place.
The winner is the one with the most friends at the end. Got it?
I'm just gonna register the idea at the patent offi... What do you mean, it's been done? It's called Facebook? And it's not for Under 10s but for adults? Lummy days!
But it certainly makes sense now I think about it. You see, Shutts keeps going on about being poked by people when we know he hasn't had a poke in ages, while the wonderful Withers has suddenly started claiming that he has "friends", which is news to the rest of us.
Wathanovski is another one with a group of Facebook pals. I've heard him muttering as he types: "I don't want to talk to you any more, I've got a new bestest friend. Nah nah nah nah nah."
The brilliant thing about this new trend is that in the end none of us will have to actually speak to each other ever again!!!
Bliss, we can just sit inside on our computers and try and gain as many friends as we can - people who, if we met them in the street, we wouldn't even give the time of day. I hear, for instance, that Shakey-Hands Man, that well-known Cardiff bon viveur (or tramp if you prefer), has already amassed 200 friends while claiming to be Keanu Reeves.
And there's another guy known to many of us who is about to break the 300 friends barrier. Surprising really, because most of the people I know think he's an utter tw*t.
MADE risotto last night, which was very nice and came from another Nigella programme (I'm getting a bit of a Nigella fixation at the moment, think it's because she can make even an ordinary ham sandwich sound lush).
This recipe, with my new risotto rice, really did hit the spot though.
What to do:
Heat olive oil in a saucepan or wok, then add sliced celery and shallot.
Add the risotto rice and mix with a touch of vegetable stock.
As the veggie stock is soaked up by the rice add a bit more and a bit more, then cook for five minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
Put an egg yolk into about 5/6ozs of double cream, mix and add to the risotto. Then stir until it's done. Heat through and serve.