I can't hide the truth any longer. I have been having these terrible urges lately and I think I am going to have to come clean before I drive myself batty. And I apologise to those poor souls who know about it already but... I am going to marry Wren.
Not today, you understand. It is a bit late to arrange that now. Not even next week, I shouldn't think, because we are still financially struggling to get over that festival of ridiculous excess they call Christmas. In fact, I am not really sure when. The first job is to actually get an engagement ring.
But for me to take such a giant leap, particularly after my previous dire history of broken down relationships, is pretty monumental, earth-shattering, stuff. I guess, though, that the impact Wren has had on me is... well... the equivalent of the impact a concrete pavement might have on a set of the wonderful One's Gnashers. Anyway, that's enough soppiness...
Talking of the wonderful one, it was pointed out to me the other day by the mischievous Wathanovski that the wonderful Withers of WoS may have put his broadcasting career in jeopardy by his "fall from grace".
He is certainly struggling to speak at the moment and perhaps the best thing is that the docs have told him that due to the absurdly strong painkillers he is taking he won't be able to drink for THREE MONTHS - that should prevent any more serious pavement mishaps, at least.
Of course by then Boozeday Tuesday will officially be a thing of the past. The poor dab must have surgery and root canal work done, as well as a new set of crowns fitted to fill the gap he is currently lisping through.
It isn't funny so the heartless actions of my fellow colleagues have left me open mouthed (sorry about that).
There was the Voice of God the other day asking Withers, on his first day back at work, whether he could repeat that catchy phrase: "Red lorry, yellow lorry".
Picking up on this theme the Fab BB - who went above and beyond the call of duty to return to work and help out our desperately short-staffed crew even though he actually finished for good two weeks ago - inquired whether Withers might attempt: "Around the ragged rocks, the ragged rascal ran."
Cheap laughs all round. It does make me wonder, though, if we have a new Jonafon Woss in our midst. I have even found myself addressing him with the title he loves best: The whiter and bwordcathter Math Withhhus."
Talking of weddings Wren, Roberts, Shutts and I were honoured guests at the nuptials of our old friend Nickers last week. It was held at the lovely Miskin Manor just outside Cardiff.
We missed the actual ceremony because of work commitments and the party was in full swing by the time we arrived. But we still managed to catch up on the drinking, which is the joy of having a designated tee-total driver like Shutts around to ferry you back and forth.
Nickers looked radiant, and smashed to be fair, but had obviously had a wonderful time. A live band provided the music, the food was great and it was just a shame the bar shut early. By that time, though, and after a long Saturday in the office, it was probably just as well.
Best of luck Nickers and Gareth, I hope it all works out great. You're on my wedding list for 2012 (joking, Wren, honest!)
... And finally, for a recipe (shock, horror I hear you cry). I wanted something quick and easy and some Nigel Slater recipe cards free with the Observer mag provided the perfect answer.
The bean and bacon gratin I made certainly filled a hole.
1 large onion
2 tbsp olive oil
smoked bacon (six chopped rashers) or pancetta cubes
2 cans 400gms haricot beans
200g creme fraiche
3 tbsp parmesan cheese.
Set the oven to 200/gas mark 6
Peel onion, halve it then cut into thick slices.
pour olive oil into frying pan.
Cook onions till golden and soft then add leaves from the thyme sprigs and stir in.
Put the bacon or pancetta into the pan and stir occasionally until fragrant but NOT browned.
Drain beans, rinse in a sieve under cold tap.
Tip into onions and bacon, then add the creme and stir till it bubbles.
Check seasoning, and add salt and pepper if required. It will probably need some.
Put in a baking dish, grate cheese over the top, then bake for 30 minutes till top crisps and bubbles around the edges.
Serve with whatever you fancy. How about a nice French baton with butter or a stick of garlic bread? Yummy!