"Ladies and gen'lmen, in the red corner, fightin' out of Neaf, south wales, please welcome... the Genius!"
Believe it or not our Genius, the former Wales on Sunday fluffy, nice-as-pie, wouldn't say boo to a goose, Genius, is making a name for herself ... in the boxing rings of Dubai!
The Genius has recorded her debut on her facebook site, if anyone fancies a gander. Back here in Wales we gathered around the Robot's computer screen to watch her take on some tall, blond, fit-looking Norwegian with Viking written on her trunks. A tough bout you might think, for a girl who once failed to fight her way out of her own bathroom (at least, that's what we were told when she failed to make the Fab BB's birthday party).
Well, think again. You can take the girl out of Neath, but you can't take Neath out of the girl. I understand on her last trip home she got in some vital lessons on how to beat the cr*p out of someone from Swansea's world cruiserweight champ Enzo Maccarinelli. And boy it showed.
The Genius ripped into her opponent from the off and we stared in wonderment at her punching power and sheer raw nerve. The little bowling ball, a self-proclaimed expert in the pugilistic arts, even commented: "She's keeping her defence up well. She looks good."
On the back of her trucks, the Genius boasts: "No fear". And I can see exactly what she means. So can her poor, worn out, punching bag of an opponent who flops against the ropes as the ref throws his arms out to stop the fight.
Pure Genius. Watch out, Joe Calzaghe, or any news editor who might unwittingly upset the fluffy one.
The building site at home is starting to take shape remarkably quickly. I now have a respectable looking, freshly tiled bathroom and a spacious-looking kitchen. Excellent.
My on-running saga with the company that's been chasing me over the mortgage shortfall hasn't been so good, however. I signed over a cheque for eight lousy grand today. You can't beat these bastards. Well, maybe you can, if you have the Genius clad in a balaclava waiting down a dimly-lit lane to greet the miserable debt collecting git when he finishes work.