WATHANOVSKI is a victim of crime. He has had his mobile phone stolen. My heart bleeds.
Or rather, it would bleed if I didn't know the circumstances to this unfortunate incident.
Point One - Wathanovski was in Benidorm on his stag night.
Point Two - He had inevitably drank quite a few cold San Miguels.
Point Three - At the time he was dressed in a fancy dress costume which uncannily resembled that one-piece swimsuit worn by Sacha Baron Cohen in his ludicrous comedy film Borat.
Do you know the one I mean? It is an all-in-one lime green contraception which looks like a thong attached to a vest. Imagining what Wathanovski might look like in such gear is the stuff of nightmares.
He sent Smashy a text on Thursday night when we were having a quick beer after work. "Stag going fine, we are now all in our wrestling gear", he informed us.
Now, Smashy must have some kind of clairvoyant powers because he replied: "Where the hell do you keep your phone in that suit?"
Today we appear to have found the answer: You don't.
I'm sure the Spanish police had every sympathy for our soccer writer when he strolled up to the counter in his outlandish costume.