Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Burger King

IT is true to say that the Prince of Darkness, while not feeding on the blood of young virgins, adheres to a pretty strict diet. And I am not talking here about his liquid intake of double voddies, sambucas and Peronis.
Looking at him you would think the Dark Lord, who weighs in at about 7 stone sopping wet, lives off lettuce leaves and slim-a-soups. Not a bit of it. It's more like he watched Morgan Spurlock's Supersize Me, where the man in question lived off a diet of McDonalds for a month, and thought it was some sort of healthy eating guide to be followed remorsely.
Here, exclusively, is an example of what he ate last week.
Monday: Two big macs. Tuesday: Two big macs. Wednesday: Two big macs. Thursday: Two big macs. Friday: Two big macs. Yet he didn't seem to put on an ounce. Perhaps that, more than anything else, is proof that he has some kind of pact with the devil.
When he's not eating big macs he tends to make a huge vat of spaghetti bolognaise at the weekend, then returns to it throughout the week to take care of his dietary requirements. How healthy it is to leave the vat on the stove and reheat it every day of the week, I am uncertain, but it certainly doesn't seem to have done the Prince any harm.
Then there is the dinner time feast. This is when the Prince slips out for a bite to eat, returning every day with a breakfast roll from the little shack over the road by the station, oozing with greasy bacon, sausage, egg and sauce.
On occasion, though, he has shocked his colleagues at Meeja Wales by returning with a bag of fruit. As he explained one day: "I think the guy in the fruit store feels sorry for me, he called me over and plied me with bananas and grapes and only charged me a quid."
One thing I have never seen the Prince go near, however, is garlic. And if he gets any thinner he won't be able to see his reflection in the mirror. Mind you, I seem to recall that is par for the course for these creatures of the night.

Wren and I watched a pretty good film on DVD last night. It was a psychological thriller called Derailed, starring Clive Owen and, remarkably, Jennifer Anniston. Remarkable, I say, because this was no rom-com and was as far removed from Friends as it was possible to get. It featured some particularly nasty characters but had a great twist at the end. Well worth a viewing.

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