THERE are three things you can identify on planet earth from space. The great wall of China, the Grand Canyon and Shutts. The difference is you can also HEAR Shutts from space. Can't say that about the other two.
Shutts, in short, is not short. At the last guess-timate, and it's difficult to tell exactly because half of him is normally shrouded in cloud, he is about 14 foot 10.
He's just come back from the States where they like things big. I dare say he even shocked a few Texans who had never before been confronted by something quite so large.
The girls love Shutts cos he does girly things like bring sweets back from holiday, plays pattacake with them and leaves them little notes with kisses on. The blokes love Shutts cos he doesn't drink so he is a brilliant designated driver.
Yesterday, left work about 3.30 and adjourned to the pub which was rammed. The Rolling Stones are in Cardiff tonight and to pay tribute the Yard are playing all the band's old favourites.
A few pints of lager and I'm really into it and Beckett, who has had a two-hour head start, suggests we go to see them.
I am not totally convinced but after another few pints, wandering past a ticket tout, Beckett, his girlfriend Lindsay and I decided to make an inquiry.
"How much?"
"Sixty quid"
"You're joking, they've nearly started. We'll only buy them if we can get three together for £20 each."
There is a mad dash. The touts haven't been doing much business. Five minutes later he returns with the tickets and accepts our offer.
So there we go, watching the Stones at the Millennium Stadium. They are terrific but the Cardiff audience are like geriatrics watching a bingo caller - sat still as statues. I'm sure they only came so that they could say they saw Mick Jagger pop his clogs on stage.
I'm in the aisles dancing sans shoes and socks (how did that happen?) and trying to urge the old biddies into action, but failing miserably to persuade them that it's more exciting than a day trip to Clacton-on-Sea. They're having none of it, even though the Stones play for over two hours and hardly miss a hit. High point for me: Rambler, of course.
Going home afterwards for some Lasagne heated up in the microwave and I bump into Shutts (well, not literally, I wouldn't stand a chance). He and his girlfriend Claire have been to the Stones, too. Don't think either of them really get it - far too young. Not as good as Oasis says Shutts. Then again he's a fan of S-Club Seven so you have to take his critical view with a large dose of salt.
Still, rather than teetering home plastered Shutts kindly offers me a lift. Sorted.
Lasagne in the microwave and straight to bed. Busy day today. International One-day cricket in Cardiff. Wonder if cricket-fan Jagger will be there?
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You can't see the Great Wall of China from space, it's a myth. It's a myth that you can see it from space that is, the wall itself obviously isn't mythical.
You can see the Grand Canyon, but then you can see lots of other gargantuan features - the Himalayas, Gobi Desert, Withers' ego etc.
You can't hear anything in space, it being a vacuum, sound won't travel, even your mate's voice.
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